You are the most powerful state-backed fight promoter in the
world, with executive authority to procure whoever you wish for fights
via any means necessary. Entire armies are at your disposal, money is
not an issue. What is your next big-ticket event?
A no limits, ultimate fighter, thirty-foot tall cage-match featuring
Tom ‘The Sonogram’ Cruise, French President Jacque Cirac, Jabba ‘Dick
Cheney’ da Hutt, Kanye ‘White People Suck’ West, and all the former
corporate officers at Enron. Fight!
How would you go about constructing the perfect sandwich?
I outsource most of my food production but if I had to make a
sandwich, a perfect sandwich, it would most certainly entail the use
of unnatural creamy peanut butter (me hates the crunchy), bananas,
and a single, individually wrapped slice of Kraft American cheese on
Wonder white bread. All with Tang to wash it down. Now that’s good eats.
Puppies or kittens?
Kittens, no contest.
What’s the dumbest thing that you’ve done in the pursuit of happiness?
Selling an item thinking I could go without it only to replace it a
Can you entertain a popular conspiracy theory, given the words:
clown, fetish, monarchy and turgid?
Well duh, it’s common knowledge that Dick Cheney has a fetish for
clown makeup and he is working through Haliburon to one day rule the
turgid lands of Ameriraq as a monarchy, in full-on Bozo regalia.
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